Chapter 3: Formulas or Faith

"But we've got to know that, ultimately, the most important thing is laying our children at the foot of the cross and praying that Jesus will call them to Him.  He is the author of their souls, and He is the only one who can reign in a broken soul.  So pray for your children and show them Jesus." 

Sarah Mae, Desperate page 31

 

 

Chapter three echoed the cry of my heart.  As a pediatrician and mother of four young children, I have read many parenting books.  I have read theories, philosophies, and so many formulas.  My heart has been broken, and I have shed many tears reading several of these books.  The ones that have concerned me the most are the ones that claim that their formula is God's formula and shame and condemn parents who do not subscribe to their formula.  But our God is so creative, do we really think that he created us all to fit in a box and live by a formula?  He created each child with his own personality, likes and dislikes, and gave them as a gift to parents who are unique, with their own personalities.  Our God is bigger than formulas.  On page 32, Sally reminds us of Galatians 5:1

 

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free;

therefore keep standing firm and

do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."

 

Why are we so prone to pick up and put on the yoke over and over again?  We are free, redeemed, given the power of the Holy Spirit to live this life.  We can take all of our decisions, frustrations, and fears to God who created us for relationship with Him. 

 

Before reading Desperate, I had spent time praying Hebrews 11:6..."without faith it is impossible to please God."  The question kept coming to my mind....am I living a life that requires faith?  Or am I spending my energy and focus on living a life that is safe and controlled?  Am I living as a mom who requires faith, or am I trusting in my organized plan and for my children to follow it?  And then I come to page 33 and Sally discusses this very verse.  And she follows it up in the "your turn" section at the end of the chapter with reading through Hebrews 11 and thinking about the people of faith mentioned.  After considering the verses, I wrote in my journal...."By faith, Gretchen, when she was...., did....."  Not that I by any means would put myself in the "hall of faith," but God was showing me to remember and recount the times I lived and walked and took the next step and sometimes the next breath in faith.  And then to remember what He did through those times of faith. 

 

We are prone to see what maturity, obedience, and "goodness" are and want it now.  We want to see the results from all of our "labors."  I have seen this with my children and discipline and wanting to see repentance and wanting it now.  Recently, when disciplining my son, I prayed as I walked away from his room, "God, I just want him to be repentant now.  I want him to see what he has done and have a repentant heart now."  And God quickly brought to my mind, it is His kindness that leads us to repentance.  God and his loving kindness bring repentance from the heart...not my demanding, frustration, and authoritativeness.  I may be able to achieve a change in behavior, but God is the one who brings the change in our hearts.  And ultimately, I want a change in heart for myself and my children.  Once that happens, the repentance and behavior changes flow.

 

God's promises are inherited through faith.  We obtain and inherit His promises when we have patiently waited through faith.  Maturity is a process that God brings, and by faith, we must trust and believe God will work in our children and ourselves.

 

So as Sarah Mae encouraged us..."Love them. Hug them, kiss them, cuddle with them, spend time rubbing their heads and holding their hands.  Give yourself to them without rush.  Pray with them, and let them twirl your hair in their little fingers.  Look them in the eye when you talk to them.  Give words of affirmation.  Tell them, whether you feel it or not, that you delight in them, that they are a delight (if they don't feel like a delight, ask God to give you those feelings).  Tell them, 'You are beautiful and smart and God loves you.  I'm so glad you're my child.'  Tell them that they can never lose your love, no matter what.  And mean it."

 

I would love to hear your thoughts and comments...

 

For more discussion on parenting by faith through the power of the Holy Spirit, I highly recommend reading Heartfelt Discipline.





Chapter 2 "The Go-It-Alone Culture" (On Needing People)

I cannot tell you how many times I have complained to my husband about how people seem to live such busy lives and do not seem interested in building relationships. Things have changed a lot in 30 years since I was a little girl, some of the fondest memories I have are of being at Grandma's house and people from the community just dropping by to visit for hours.

I am guilty of having the Go-It -Alone mentality. I have had many friends over the years but of those there have been about 4 close friends. Three of those close friends because of distance(living in different states or cities) have basically faded. One of those four friends still keeps in touch on a regular basis. So after many times of reaching out and investing only to have the other person stop keeping in touch, the Go -It-Alone mentality seems like the best and most protective way to be.

I love The Lord, He has given me a wonderful husband of almost 17 years and 3 children I love dearly and this is where my love and devotion is to be first, second, and third so what more do I need right!? But after reading on page 34 the letter between Sally and Sarah where Sarah says, "Motherhood was meant to be experienced with other mothers, aunts, grandmothers, and a community of women sharing the load. Please do not attempt this alone!" I thought how wonderful it would be to have a community of Moms like that to experience Motherhood with.

So that is what has been on my heart- How do I find a group like that? Or How do I reach out to form a group like that? Surely I cannot be the only mom whose family lives out of town and who feels like she is part of the Go-It-Alone Culture, though not by choice.

I am so thankful for this book!

Let me know your thoughts and ideas.

Blessing to you,

Stephanie B

Chapter 2

(Don't forget to watch the video segments for each chapter from the book.)

It only took a minute of hearing Sally's words in the end of chapter video segments, and I had tears flowing.  "I am exactly the mom my kids needed," is what she said.  God planned for me to have these children with my personality, likes, gifts, etc.  Do you sometimes feel like you are not the right mother for your children?  Oh, how I have felt that.  Not that I don't want to be their mother, but that they deserve more, better, someone more patient, more gentle, a better listener, a morning person, and the list goes on.  What a great reminder and a weight lifted that I was not meant to shoulder.  I must lay down the burden and pressure of the ideal I have envisioned, and rest in God's ideal for me to be the giver of grace, forgiveness, and love to my children and to myself.  God gave these children to me and God gave me to these children.  They are ultimately His children, and He chose me to be their mother.  He planned for me to be refined and formed more into His image through motherhood.


What ideals do you need surrender that you are not meant to hold onto?

He also planned for us to be in community with other women and moms.  I love in Chapter two how Sally describes that we have become such an isolationist culture, that we tend to think that we have to do this alone.  I have fallen into that thinking over the years.  During a women's night at my church a couple of years ago, God clearly spoke to my heart and told me that I need to "take time to receive."  Not only take the time to receive from Him in quiet time and reading and prayer, but to take the time to receive from others and to be willing to receive.  And for that, I needed to be able to let my friends know that I needed help. 

Do you take time to receive?  To receive from God with open hands?

For generations women have had mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and sisters to help and encourage.  To have this extended family in close proximity to just provide some physical help, would be wonderful.  But our culture is not like that in general.  Most of us live without family nearby.  But God is bigger than cultural change, and He so graciously provides.  I have found that sometimes His provision is for me to be the one serving other moms, reaching out and providing physical help.  And other times I am the one to receive. 

God provided a great friend and encourager for me when I was around two years old.  We have been friends ever since.  Even though we have lived in different states for more years than we lived in that same small town together, we have continued to be friends and encourage one another.  When we were in fourth grade I believe, she cross-stitched a bookmark for me.  I was decluttering my nightstand this weekend, and going through the books on it and found the precious bookmark she made for me tucked in a book.  She is also the wonderful mom who posted about Chapter 1 last week! 



I pray that if you do not have some moms around you to encourage you, help you, and walk this journey with you that you pray and keep looking for who He has for you.  And He may be wanting you to take similar steps as Sally did and be the one to create the group, to reach out to others and start getting together to share and encourage.

Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments and join the discussion! 



And The Winner Is....

Everyone!!!  How can we not?  For all of you precious moms who entered our giveaway by tonight at 9:00pm EST...you each won a copy of the book!  Yay!  If you would like a kindle copy, please email your email address to gretchenmroberts@yahoo.com.  If you would like a paperback copy, please email your mailing address!

We look forward to all of you joining us as we read and learn together!  Be sure to check out Sally's blog for her post about Chapter 1!