I stumbled upon the re-introduction of the Mommy's Book Club and I am so glad I did.
I am really getting touched by this book in ways that I cannot fully explain or even understand myself. I visited Ann's website and began crying as I looked through all the images. Why? I have no idea.
I think I am on Chapter 5 and I am not sure where this sentence is located in the reading but it has really stuck with me....
"The only words that really matter are the ones I live."
I have been amateur blogging for about a year and have gotten some good feedback. I have not fully decided what my blog will be "about" other than whatever comes to mind. I know that members of my family have read it and I hope it is a conduit of God's grace in their lives. I hope.
But something about me knows that I can talk a good talk, but I don't think I am experiencing, regularly, that which I describe, that which I aspire to walk in - routinely.
I have moments of thankfulness and slowed time, but I don't live there. I want to live there. I think God wants me to live there. I know my husband and kids would benefit from my living there. And I was in this frame of mind when I picked up "One Thousand Gifts." Providential.
I have never read anything like her style of writing, to start with. I am gripped by it now. Eucharisteo is a totally foreign concept to me, which I find to be very sad since I have been a believer for over 10 years (yes, G, it has been THAT long since our study nights at Denny's, after church lunches at the PCow and skipping class to discuss life at The Buffalo Grill!)
Seeing all the ways, now, in which Christ gave thanks in the midst of disappointment, poverty and pain and received JOY gives me HOPE. The idea that the poverty of time I feel can be remedied by the simple act of giving thanks is just revolutionizing my thoughts. I don't know if it has revolutionized all of my behavior, but I pray it will.
Being able to weigh down the moment by really seeing it, being present in it, and giving thanks for it - WOW, I never thought there was any way to address that troublesome issue of being human. I thought I was just going to have to live with my guilt and the cycle of hurry and impatience and irritation that drives it. This is good news.
I am wondering how to give thanks in the tragic, though. I know she is approaching this subject. I know she has already lived it (her sister and her nephews). She's touching on, now, the relationship of our good and all powerful God to these "graces." She's discussing those situations by suggesting that our perspective is limited. Unarguably, true. I have been known to be in constant preparation for catastrophe; this is something that is lessening for me, thankfully. But, I have always prepared in order to be able to be "one of those" who can hold on to faith in a good and beautiful God in the midst of significant tragedy. That is a preparation I am completely incapable of doing in my own strength, I have learned. I hope that Ann's words will help me to receive this particular grace from God.
I am needing to experience God's presence more. I have been battling/questioning all sorts of things in light of conversations I have had with very learned non-believers in my family. These are things you can pray about for me. What can I be praying about for each of you?
2 comments:
I would like for all of us to meet up at Dennys or Pcow or Buffalo Grill (don't even know what those last two are but I'm up for it!!). I think it would be so fun to sit around and talk about the ways this book is growing and changing each of us. I love that we're all reading the same book but being struck by different things.
I am in awe of the way God orchestrates seemingly unrelated details of our lives. My husband just finished his Master of Divinity, a 96 hour degree we tried to pay for on a youth minister and stay at home mom budget. We paid for a good chunk of it along the way, but we have a hefty chunk of loans as well. Just yesterday, we had "the talk"...you know, the talk that includes things like "we're going to only use the entertainment money that's in the entertainment envelope each week and no more", "we're not going to do soccer and basketball camp this summer", "we're not doing anything big for our anniversary", "daddy's not getting his golf pass this year", etc. All of this is in an attempt to rid ourselves of debt.
The cool thing is that my heart was completely prepared for this. By painstakingly teaching me in these last few weeks to be THANKFUL for EVERYTHING, God has made my heart soft for this time. I am truly excited about it. I'm excited for the moments we will be together more without one kid or another away at soccer camp. I am excited to plan day hiking trips this summer where we take peanut butter and jelly instead of stopping at McDonalds. I am thankful for ALL of it.
I am thankful for a God who KNEW that I needed this book at JUST this time. He is so GOOD and FAITHFUL.
So, as you're praying, you could pray that I remain thankful, that God provides in supernatural ways so that we (Tim, me and the boys too) will look to HIM as the provider and give HIM the glory.
:)Oh, how I love HIM.
I am so glad that you are joining in the book club. I love your insight and am looking forward to your thoughts as we go through the book. You are always in my prayers...I will continue to pray and more specifically now with the things you mentioned in your post. I love that you mentioned having HOPE after reading Ann's words. I could not agree more...there are areas where I had pretty much decided that the way it is is the way it will be...but HOPE is found in eucharisteo.
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