Chapter Six Thoughts

Please feel free to post your thoughts (on any chapter or about the book in general) and your questions to the group (and to anyone else who may be following along on the blog).

Chapter six...chasing after the moon.  Those moon moments...do you have one or more of those?

I completely relate to Ann's description of her husband asking her to come out to see something.  The way she felt pulled to complete all of the tasks that she was currently tending to....dishes, dinner, children, cleaning up, etc. etc.  I have felt that tension so many times in my day to day.  Wanting to take the time to .....savor.....every....beautiful....moment.  But knowing that if I don't accomplish x, y, and z, no one else is going to do it and the a, b, and c all starts again tomorrow!
Reading about Ann's experience going out to see the moon for some reason brought the vivid memory of a camping and hiking trip to the Grand Canyon that a group of us took during fall break in medical school.  We drove from Arkansas to Arizona and arrived and set up camp late at night.  We awoke the next morning early and ready to see the canyon.  I was so excited and ready to take it all in.  I started on the southern rim trail, ready to see this beautiful handiwork of God.  Well, when I got to trail, I looked out and all I could see was very dense fog.  I could not see more than a foot in front of me.  I continued walking on the trail and felt very discouraged.  I could still see nothing.  I sat on a grouping of rocks and looked out into the fog and began to pray.  I poured out my heart to God, "I drove all day and into the night....I was so ready to take in your magnificent creation...why is it completely full of fog?...what does this mean?...what are you trying to teach me?....I feel frustrated....I feel disappointment."  My eyes were closed and the tears began to fall.  I remember sitting there, head bowed, tears flowing....and I heard God speaking to my heart.....He said, "Do you trust me?.....Do you trust that my creation you are not able to see is there?...Do you trust that the images you have seen in pictures actually exist in front of you?...Even though you cannot see what is one foot in front of you, do you trust me that it is there?"  My heart changed in that moment.  My vision changed in that moment.  My "chasing the moon" moment.... my place of seeing God came when I was unable to see.
Well, when I opened my eyes, a strong breeze came and cleared the fog....I was able to see the canyon!...I could see!....as quickly as the fog cleared it came again and covered everything.  God used this experience to teach me many things...how to trust Him...to walk by faith.

I am currently reading C.S. Lewis' Weight of Glory as I re-read One Thousand Gifts and I love how the two books are working together so beautifully in my heart. 

"Someone is behind it, in it.  Beauty Himself completes."  pg.110 One Thousand Gifts

"The books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing.  These things--the beauty, the memory of our own past--are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers."  C. S. Lewis, Weight of Glory

"Eucharisteo is everywhere and I want to see eucharisteo everywhere and I want to remember how badly I want to see."  pg.111 One Thousand Gifts

"The art of deep seeing makes gratitude possible.  And it is the art of gratitude that makes joy possible.  Isn't joy the art of God?" pg. 118 One Thousand Gifts

My prayer is to open my eyes to see....to take the time to see....even when I walk through the fog.

Mission and Chapter Five Thoughts

Our first book in our Book Club was Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson.  It is one of the books that secured my calling, my vision for motherhood.  I struggled with what I felt God calling me to and how I was to reconcile that with all that was around me.  I had read so many books (parenting, discipline, motherhood) that broke my heart for the children....and broke my heart that these books were written under the banner of my Jesus.  God gave me a kindred spirit, a like-minded friend, when reading Sally's books.  Her love and passion for God, her mission as a mother to reach the hearts of her children, her goal of showing her children who this loving Jesus is through her life as their mother is truly a gift.  This past weekend I was able to go to Sally's Mom's Heart Conference.  (My first time to ever spend a night away from my children...other than being in the hospital).  I was able to go to tea on Friday with Sally and share with her my story and how her books have encouraged and changed me and how God is calling me to share that with other moms.  (Truly a gift from God....how often do you get to meet and share with an author your gratitude?)  Then, Sally asked me to share at the main conference on Saturday.  After I shared, several mothers came to discuss their situations with me, and I was able to pray with many of these women.  I cannot put into words in this post all of the ways that God spoke to me throughout the weekend, but suffice it to say...He used the time to refresh my mind and spirit and to refine my heart and my calling.  I encourage you...since it has been 3 years since we read the book together...to pick up Mission...find another mom or group of moms....and read the book again together.


Chapter five delves into the areas of my mind and heart that I have wrestled with through the years. 
"Does anyone whisper in the dead boy's house, 'God's grace...God's grace'?" (p.85)
"When I realize that it is not God who is in my debt but I who am in His great debt, then doesn't all become gift?" (p.94)

I love the way Ann allows me to wrap my mind around the "ugly beautiful" because when I look back on the years of my life so far, I have many many of those ugly beautiful times.  But I am sure that we all have those times....we must have darkness to see light, to appreciate light, and he takes those dark, ugly times and transfigures them. (definition of transfigure:  to change so as to glorify or exalt).

"It is suffering that has the realest possibility to bear down and deliver grace." (p.97)
"God is always good and I am always loved." (p.100)
"...take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all emptiness....This is the hard eucharisteo.  The hard discipline to lean into the ugly and whisper thanks to transfigure it into beauty." (p.100)
I love the imagery of leaning into the ugly...not standing up straight and tall and self sufficient...but leaning into the ugly, the pain...not shouting from the mountaintops in joyous expression "thank you" for this, but the whisper of thanks. 
As I am learning through practicing this eucharisteo....I pray that in the ugly I will lean...I will whisper...and He will transfigure.