I have to start this post by thanking you for your posts and comments. I feel so blessed by all of the thoughtful comments and encouragement. I love to read your different insights, advice and things that you are learning. To know that my friends are on this motherhood journey with me and to get a glimpse into your lives and hearts through this blog is very special. I find that so often with friends we chat at the park, play with our kids together, but never really get to the real stuff. Why is that? And like Jennifer said, I too would love to be at Starbucks (in a comfy chair with my venti soy no whip gingerbread latte) in conversation with all of you. But instead I am at the computer in my pjs after finishing the dishes and kitchen clean up before I start a load of laundry while my three precious babies are in bed.
The Undivided heart...oh how I identified with this chapter. The first scenario she presents is about a physician/mother. She talks about the dilemma we are confronted with, not being prepared for the reality of motherhood and feeling torn. Yes, yes and yes. I loved the analogy of randomly throwing seeds to the wind. (p.43) "Someone needs to take responsibility for their nurture, protection, nourishment, intellectual development, manners, recreation, personal needs and spiritual development. Someone needs to commit time and energy into staying close to them as they grow, encouraging and correcting and teaching." I found this to be so affirming for me. I felt like saying, "Yes! That someone is me!"
Then on just the next page she discusses the sacrifices we will need to make. I never knew how selfless of a calling motherhood is. The world is always telling me to look out for myself, put myself first, make sure I am taken care of. They are worried about me when they see me sacrificing for the greater cause of my children and family. I never thought I was a terribly selfish person before I became a wife and mother, but I never had to take care of anyone 24/7 except myself. Motherhood is revealing all of those selfish nooks and crannies in my heart. "In that moment the two conflicted drives of my heart stood out in stark contrast--my commitment to motherhood versus my lurking desire to have life my own way. ...I needed to accept days like this--my children's neediness, the myriad mindless tasks, and even my own occasional discomfort--as part of my partnering with my husband toward our mutual goal of building a godly heritage for Christ." (p.45) Oh...having life my own way...how much energy have I put into orchestrating that throughout my 33 years? And God has shown me that what he has for me is way better than anything I could have even imagined for myself. If I will just surrender, kneel at His feet and trust Him. "We yield our personal rights into his hands. We give up our time and expectations to him--and also our fears and worries about how we will manage. We trust him to take care of us and our family. We let him redirect our thinking and expectations and adjust our dreams. And we wait in faith to see the fruit of our hard labor in the lives of our children, knowing that he will be faithful to honor our commitment to him." (p.54) I have read that quote so many times...I want to remember it throughout the day as I try to keep my eyes on Him.
Sally mentions her symbolic tea cup at the end of this chapter. Do you have symbols like this?
Isn't it great that we are already doing one of Sally's "something to try" suggestions at the end of this chapter by sharing this book together on our blog?
We will begin Part two: A Mother's Heart for Her God by reading chapter four this week.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Busted!!
Before I went to sleep last night, I cracked open chapter 4. It could not have been more timely. By the time I stopped (I didn't even finish the chapter), I was crying. Yesterday, I treated my sweet 7 year old like a distraction the whole day. Oh, there were a couple of moments that I stopped to help him, but I made sure my face showed that I wasn't happy about it. He was asking so nicely...he wasn't being demanding...he hadn't done a thing wrong...and even if he was wrong, he never deserves to be treated that way. I am now 36 weeks pregnant, and there are things around the house that I really want to get done before the baby comes. That's what I was working on yesterday. That's important, isn't it???? Sure, the boys need to know that they're not the center of my universe and that I can't always stop what I'm doing to help them. However, I was so so wrong yesterday. I was so into "me" and "my stuff". Ewwww....I'm getting disgusted with myself just typing this. The more I read of chapter 4, the more guilty I felt. I went into his bedroom and kissed his sweet face. I wanted to wake him up and go through the day again, making different choices. That would never have worked, though--he gets his sound sleeping abilities from both of his parents, and he's really good at it!!! Instead, I waited until this morning at the breakfast table and I said, "I really messed up yesterday." "On what?" he asked. "On you," I replied. He smiled. I said, "I am so sorry I didn't stop to help you with your computer game and I didn't stop to play with you or talk with you." He nonchalantly said, "It's ok, mom." Just like that...he's over it. It's a new day...just like our Father, his mercies for me are new every morning. I'm learning so much from my 7 year old.
Monday, March 24, 2008
On second thought
Hey guys. Well, as you could likely gather from my previous posting this book is bringing out some issues for me. But, they are not the ones I thought would surface. I was talking to Stephen, my husband, about the book and my thoughts and he said something to me that I thought was really true. I think I am so longing for someone to tell me exactly what to do in regards to disciplining my kids that I am looking for Sally Clarkson to answer a question that her book was not written to address. I even misread one of the titles of a chapter: "The Disciplining Mother"....instead of "The Discipling Mother." That should tell you where my mind is. So, please forgive my previous posting with that in mind. I am enjoying the book, talking about it with Stephen, reading all the things y'all have to comment upon and growing as a Godly mom. Hope everyone's Easter was great. I have to say, it was the best Easter I have ever had.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Making my way
Hey guys. I am making my way through the book. I cannot quite put my finger on why I am not feeling so awesome about the book. The discussion in the first section about being whole hearted definitely resonated with me. The part about My God asking me what I had done with the precious lives He has intrusted to me and Stephen was a great, vivid reminder that I have to admit is helping me with the day to day. I have not read much about what I am currently struggling with the most: the implementation of the 'discipline.' I think she had been rather vague about what the means to her. This may not be something anyone else is looking for her to 'outline', but it is my biggest source of struggle.
I have read as my guide (and watched the DVD's) of "Sheparding a Child's Heart" by Ted Tripp. This book spends a great deal of time talking about rich communication between parent and child as a basis for discipline...and discipline that points towards Christ. It goes into great detail as well regarding 'the rod' which I have to say made me cringe at first. After reading the book Stephen and I felt like the things we learned would be very helpful in our home at leading our children to understand their NEED for the cross, and Christ. I suppose the early years are actually more fruitful ground for that discussion than I first thought. There is a lot of talk about mom's being selfish, but I see that bud in my kids as well. What are we to do with that? I am modeling unselfishness, I believe (although imperfectly without question). But unkind behavior, dishonoring talk and disobedience in a child...what are we to do with that? I mostly am hearing to give words to the kiddos. Not just any words...The LIVING WORD. Absolutely. But does the Word suffice in an unrepentent heart? Does modeling alone suffice in a sinful heart? I personally, as a child, and even as a student and young adult, heard the truth - even saw it modeled quite beautifully by those God undoubtedly placed in my path. But I think the PAINFUL CONSEQUENCES of my unGodly choices are what drove me to Jesus. I am not enjoying being the minister of painful consequences to my children. THAT is my struggle.
I certainly struggle with feelings of failure, with being selfish, with not living out my most important priorities and getting bogged down in all the things that one day will BURN, and to those issues I feel I am reading some good insights.
I am actually reading Chapter 6 now. I have to harness my available reading time when I can because I know that there will soon come a time when I am unable to read much at all.
So, I hope these things spark some discussion. I hope that we can all talk openly about discipline. I have found as a mom that it seems to be a little of a touchy subject among some of the mom's I am around. I have found it hard to be able to really talk openly because some don't implement the rod of correction. I will say, for me, that is not a big deal. If you don't and I do, then we can still talk about your discipline struggles. But, honestly this is what is going on with me in regards to the book since it is where a majority of thoughts are focused lately. "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." So what is spoken, both by me and from my toddler, is a manifestation of my heart condition. What can heal my heart? Diagnose it? Highlight the root issue that is prompting the short temper? The Holy Spirit. I need more undivided time with HIM. Desparately.
Love you guys
I have read as my guide (and watched the DVD's) of "Sheparding a Child's Heart" by Ted Tripp. This book spends a great deal of time talking about rich communication between parent and child as a basis for discipline...and discipline that points towards Christ. It goes into great detail as well regarding 'the rod' which I have to say made me cringe at first. After reading the book Stephen and I felt like the things we learned would be very helpful in our home at leading our children to understand their NEED for the cross, and Christ. I suppose the early years are actually more fruitful ground for that discussion than I first thought. There is a lot of talk about mom's being selfish, but I see that bud in my kids as well. What are we to do with that? I am modeling unselfishness, I believe (although imperfectly without question). But unkind behavior, dishonoring talk and disobedience in a child...what are we to do with that? I mostly am hearing to give words to the kiddos. Not just any words...The LIVING WORD. Absolutely. But does the Word suffice in an unrepentent heart? Does modeling alone suffice in a sinful heart? I personally, as a child, and even as a student and young adult, heard the truth - even saw it modeled quite beautifully by those God undoubtedly placed in my path. But I think the PAINFUL CONSEQUENCES of my unGodly choices are what drove me to Jesus. I am not enjoying being the minister of painful consequences to my children. THAT is my struggle.
I certainly struggle with feelings of failure, with being selfish, with not living out my most important priorities and getting bogged down in all the things that one day will BURN, and to those issues I feel I am reading some good insights.
I am actually reading Chapter 6 now. I have to harness my available reading time when I can because I know that there will soon come a time when I am unable to read much at all.
So, I hope these things spark some discussion. I hope that we can all talk openly about discipline. I have found as a mom that it seems to be a little of a touchy subject among some of the mom's I am around. I have found it hard to be able to really talk openly because some don't implement the rod of correction. I will say, for me, that is not a big deal. If you don't and I do, then we can still talk about your discipline struggles. But, honestly this is what is going on with me in regards to the book since it is where a majority of thoughts are focused lately. "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." So what is spoken, both by me and from my toddler, is a manifestation of my heart condition. What can heal my heart? Diagnose it? Highlight the root issue that is prompting the short temper? The Holy Spirit. I need more undivided time with HIM. Desparately.
Love you guys
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Chapter Two
This chapter spoke to my heart in so many ways. I love the truth she described in God's design and could really go on and on about our culture not valuing children and the mothers who devote their lives to them.
"The hard, daily, repetitive work of making a home a haven, providing healthy meals, correcting and training little ones, and constantly cleaning up messes is perceived as menial labor instead of the stuff from which godliness is built." (p.35) I think I have had this attitude at times too though, that what I do over and over and over again doesn't make a difference and it is frustrating to me. But godliness can be built in my children through it all!
At the end of the chapter I must admit I was crying. Crying because I don't want to fail, I don't want to be frustrated at the drop of a hat, and yet I realized it is not up to me. If it was up to me I would fail, I will be frustrated, but our God is faithful, he will make "sense out of the messes we've made of our lives." I have been quite focused on each day, battling failures, trying to do get done what needs to be done and have lost site of the eternal perspective and focus I should always have. When Sally posed the question of facing the Lord at the end of our lives and his asking, 'What did you do with those precious eternal human beings that I entrusted into your hands? Did you sacrifice your own life to give them my life? Did you pass on my purposes? Did you do the work in your children that will result in praise to my name throughout all of eternity?' (p.37) I deeply want to hear Him say, "Well done!" I want my children to know His love and grace and patience through me.
How does this practically happen each day with laundry, messes, time-outs, cooking, teaching etc? For me, I am starting with scripture. I have written several verses that I am committing to memory on cards and I have them everywhere, in the van, in the laundry room, in the kitchen, at my desk, on my nightstand. I want my reflex thought and words to be love and patience and truth and grace. Secondly, I am trying to keep it simple for my children. We are focusing on God wanting us to be kind and gentle. It is amazing the list of "rules" I feel like I was always stressing. I don't want them to just obey rules, I want them to know God and his truth. Focusing on being kind and gentle is "simple" and covers so many things. They are so receptive to this and I don't feel like I am saying, "do this, don't do this" all day.
What practical things do you do in your home and with your children?
Did any particular part of this chapter change you or speak to your heart?
"The hard, daily, repetitive work of making a home a haven, providing healthy meals, correcting and training little ones, and constantly cleaning up messes is perceived as menial labor instead of the stuff from which godliness is built." (p.35) I think I have had this attitude at times too though, that what I do over and over and over again doesn't make a difference and it is frustrating to me. But godliness can be built in my children through it all!
At the end of the chapter I must admit I was crying. Crying because I don't want to fail, I don't want to be frustrated at the drop of a hat, and yet I realized it is not up to me. If it was up to me I would fail, I will be frustrated, but our God is faithful, he will make "sense out of the messes we've made of our lives." I have been quite focused on each day, battling failures, trying to do get done what needs to be done and have lost site of the eternal perspective and focus I should always have. When Sally posed the question of facing the Lord at the end of our lives and his asking, 'What did you do with those precious eternal human beings that I entrusted into your hands? Did you sacrifice your own life to give them my life? Did you pass on my purposes? Did you do the work in your children that will result in praise to my name throughout all of eternity?' (p.37) I deeply want to hear Him say, "Well done!" I want my children to know His love and grace and patience through me.
How does this practically happen each day with laundry, messes, time-outs, cooking, teaching etc? For me, I am starting with scripture. I have written several verses that I am committing to memory on cards and I have them everywhere, in the van, in the laundry room, in the kitchen, at my desk, on my nightstand. I want my reflex thought and words to be love and patience and truth and grace. Secondly, I am trying to keep it simple for my children. We are focusing on God wanting us to be kind and gentle. It is amazing the list of "rules" I feel like I was always stressing. I don't want them to just obey rules, I want them to know God and his truth. Focusing on being kind and gentle is "simple" and covers so many things. They are so receptive to this and I don't feel like I am saying, "do this, don't do this" all day.
What practical things do you do in your home and with your children?
Did any particular part of this chapter change you or speak to your heart?
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Confused, yet peaceful
This book is speaking to me right where I'm at right now--amazing how God ALWAYS does that!! I have been a stay at home mama since we had our first boy. Actually, I was even a stay at home mom for a year before we had kids--now THAT was fun!! :) I have always had a deep conviction to be at home, and I guess I've always thought that would mean I'm at home until the last one goes off to college. I have some friends who work and others who stay at home, and I'm not a staunch "you must stay at home or your kids will end up in juvy" mom. For our family, however, I've just never thought of anything different.
Recently, however, I've been in a crisis of belief. I got a call from a high school friend who just recently stepped into the "dean of students" role at our junior high. She was the 7th grade math teacher before that, and they were looking for someone to teach 7th grade math this semester. She was calling to see if I wanted to teach full time this semester. Well, of course I didn't--I'm pregnant (due in April), I have a 2 year old at home, and how will I pick up our 7 year old from school (his gets out earlier than jr. high) and go to his class parties????? All of these thoughts came to mind first, but then we prayed about it for a couple of days, and God started planting thoughts of possibility and then thoughts of, "we could do this and it would be a specific answer to prayer for a financial situation in our family". So, I'm doing it. In fact, at this very moment, I'm surrounded by 30 7th graders in a computer lab.
I thought it would be horrible. I thought our family would suffer huge wounds. I thought I couldn't do it and still be a good mama. I thought wrong...
In some ways, I have actually become a better wife and mama during these weeks. Our house has never been in the order it's in right now. My gifts are being used in new ways, and it's challenging me to be more creative with my own boys....
...and yet I can't get past that deep conviction that my daily "spot" in the kingdom is in our home. At the same time that I'm loving the ministry that's taking place with these 7th graders, I'm also longing for the ministry that takes place in the "dailyness" (is that a word?!) of being at home. I can't wait for this "job" to be over, and yet I'm sad to see it end.
The conclusion that my brain has come to is that, for now, while we have "preschoolers" my "spot" will be at home, and then we'll rethink it once they're in school.
The conclusion that my heart has come to is one of complete peace--resting in my Father's arms and trusting him completely to show us each year, each month, each week, each day where my "spot" is.
I thought I had this all figured out, and now I just don't know....but HE does and He's so smart and He'll let me know when I need to know.
I would love to hear from any of you who have had similar wrestlings or crises of belief. Any wisdom for me???
Recently, however, I've been in a crisis of belief. I got a call from a high school friend who just recently stepped into the "dean of students" role at our junior high. She was the 7th grade math teacher before that, and they were looking for someone to teach 7th grade math this semester. She was calling to see if I wanted to teach full time this semester. Well, of course I didn't--I'm pregnant (due in April), I have a 2 year old at home, and how will I pick up our 7 year old from school (his gets out earlier than jr. high) and go to his class parties????? All of these thoughts came to mind first, but then we prayed about it for a couple of days, and God started planting thoughts of possibility and then thoughts of, "we could do this and it would be a specific answer to prayer for a financial situation in our family". So, I'm doing it. In fact, at this very moment, I'm surrounded by 30 7th graders in a computer lab.
I thought it would be horrible. I thought our family would suffer huge wounds. I thought I couldn't do it and still be a good mama. I thought wrong...
In some ways, I have actually become a better wife and mama during these weeks. Our house has never been in the order it's in right now. My gifts are being used in new ways, and it's challenging me to be more creative with my own boys....
...and yet I can't get past that deep conviction that my daily "spot" in the kingdom is in our home. At the same time that I'm loving the ministry that's taking place with these 7th graders, I'm also longing for the ministry that takes place in the "dailyness" (is that a word?!) of being at home. I can't wait for this "job" to be over, and yet I'm sad to see it end.
The conclusion that my brain has come to is that, for now, while we have "preschoolers" my "spot" will be at home, and then we'll rethink it once they're in school.
The conclusion that my heart has come to is one of complete peace--resting in my Father's arms and trusting him completely to show us each year, each month, each week, each day where my "spot" is.
I thought I had this all figured out, and now I just don't know....but HE does and He's so smart and He'll let me know when I need to know.
I would love to hear from any of you who have had similar wrestlings or crises of belief. Any wisdom for me???
Friday, March 14, 2008
Chapter One
Typically when I read a book I will turn down the corner of a page that I want to read something from again. I am finding that nearly every page's corner is turned down in this book! This chapter really spoke to my heart. I identified with so many things that Sally said.
"I soon discovered that life has its own ways of helping us choose." (p.12) How has life helped you choose the path of motherhood you are on?
"What had I gotten myself into?....These precious little ones had endless needs...demanded all of my body, time, life, emotions, and attention!...I often felt like a failure." (p.13) I admit that I felt a sense of relief knowing that someone writing a book about motherhood felt like a failure.
"This design doesn't mean I have to lose myself in my children's lives. On the contrary, following God's design for living is the key to finding myself--to becoming the person he had in mind for me all along." (p.15) What are some ways motherhood has changed you?
My husband and I were discussing this chapter and as Sally recommends in the "Something to try..." at the end, we wrote down our goals for us and our children. It seems that we have lived a lot "on the defensive" just tackling issues as they arise instead of setting priorities and goals and adjusting our lives and schedules so that we are spending our time on priorities. Did any of you make lists of priorities/goals? What did you discover?
Feel free to comment, post, answer questions, ask questions...I would love to hear from you.
Next week we will continue and read chapters 2 and 3, finishing Part 1: A Mother's Calling.
"I soon discovered that life has its own ways of helping us choose." (p.12) How has life helped you choose the path of motherhood you are on?
"What had I gotten myself into?....These precious little ones had endless needs...demanded all of my body, time, life, emotions, and attention!...I often felt like a failure." (p.13) I admit that I felt a sense of relief knowing that someone writing a book about motherhood felt like a failure.
"This design doesn't mean I have to lose myself in my children's lives. On the contrary, following God's design for living is the key to finding myself--to becoming the person he had in mind for me all along." (p.15) What are some ways motherhood has changed you?
My husband and I were discussing this chapter and as Sally recommends in the "Something to try..." at the end, we wrote down our goals for us and our children. It seems that we have lived a lot "on the defensive" just tackling issues as they arise instead of setting priorities and goals and adjusting our lives and schedules so that we are spending our time on priorities. Did any of you make lists of priorities/goals? What did you discover?
Feel free to comment, post, answer questions, ask questions...I would love to hear from you.
Next week we will continue and read chapters 2 and 3, finishing Part 1: A Mother's Calling.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Just Started
Hey gals. Just got the book day before yesterday. Just finished the first three chapters and am so glad to be reading this with other mom's. My thoughts are many, but currently I am in the midst of some wholehearted devotion to motherhood and cannot compile my thoughts. More later!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Introduction
Some of us have read the introduction, and some of us probably haven't yet. No pressure. Read, post, comment when you can. I love how she starts the introduction with the image of a mother's hands. Do you remember your mom's hands? I vividly remember sitting in church next to my stepmother and holding her hands. I loved to trace the prominent veins and truly wished my hands had the wrinkly look of hers. I thought it was beautiful. As I type this I look at my hands and see the wrinkles and veins (along with a princess jasmine bandage from cutting my finger last night...yet another blessing from children, fun bandages!) I can't believe that is me now, a mother, with three children to love and nurture. I don't feel old enough, yet the calendar tells me I definitely am! So often I find myself instructing, disciplining, telling again and again...wash your hands, chew with your mouth closed, don't eat that off of the floor, you're being a little too loud etc. etc. etc. Sally is making me stop and remember that in the midst of all of the repetitive day to day tasks of motherhood that my children need my focus, my attention, my encouragement, my energy and my love. I must remember to get down on their level, eye to eye with praise, hugs, kisses, laughter.
In my last post I wrote about surrendering the frustration and negativity. God has really been revealing the importance of this and how to do it. During the sermon on Sunday our pastor was talking about peace and stated that "peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of God." The world would have us believe that we must manage our circumstances, but God shows us that circumstances are where we experience life! What truth spoken straight to my heart. I have tried so hard to arrange our days and plan for everything (why my diaper bag weighs 30 pounds) so as to not have the fits, tantrums, meltdowns. This creates so much pressure, that the first thing to go wrong and boom, there I am, frustrated, short tempered, negative. God wants me to trust Him and reflect His image and use all of my circumstances to experience life and show that to my children. It is Tuesday and the past two days I have stilled planned, but allowed the circumstances to come. In the moments when three children at the grocery store seems like not such a good idea, I quote "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1 and "Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires." James 1:19-20. These are not just said words, but a heartfelt cry to a Father who hears and knows. Who really cares what the people in the aisle think about me or my children at that moment. I care about showing my children Christ's love and responding to them in love. Praise God for His faithfulness and teaching me so much about Himself through motherhood.
In my last post I wrote about surrendering the frustration and negativity. God has really been revealing the importance of this and how to do it. During the sermon on Sunday our pastor was talking about peace and stated that "peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of God." The world would have us believe that we must manage our circumstances, but God shows us that circumstances are where we experience life! What truth spoken straight to my heart. I have tried so hard to arrange our days and plan for everything (why my diaper bag weighs 30 pounds) so as to not have the fits, tantrums, meltdowns. This creates so much pressure, that the first thing to go wrong and boom, there I am, frustrated, short tempered, negative. God wants me to trust Him and reflect His image and use all of my circumstances to experience life and show that to my children. It is Tuesday and the past two days I have stilled planned, but allowed the circumstances to come. In the moments when three children at the grocery store seems like not such a good idea, I quote "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1 and "Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires." James 1:19-20. These are not just said words, but a heartfelt cry to a Father who hears and knows. Who really cares what the people in the aisle think about me or my children at that moment. I care about showing my children Christ's love and responding to them in love. Praise God for His faithfulness and teaching me so much about Himself through motherhood.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
On your mark, Get set...
Hello friends. We are in the book purchasing phase and some of you may have your book now. Let's plan on starting next week with the introduction and chapter one. My prayer is that God will change us and make us more like Jesus as we care for our precious children. Specifically, I am surrendering the frustration that comes too quickly in my days, the negative tone that comes too quickly from my mouth and praying that these will be replaced with His joy and peace. I deeply want my children to know and experience Christ's love through me.
I wish we could all sit on the couch with a cup of coffee and talk, but since miles and miles separate us and caring for our children and homes fill our days, this blog will bring us together to share our journey. I can't wait to hear how God is working in all of your hearts and what you are learning through this book, so please post and comment.
I wish we could all sit on the couch with a cup of coffee and talk, but since miles and miles separate us and caring for our children and homes fill our days, this blog will bring us together to share our journey. I can't wait to hear how God is working in all of your hearts and what you are learning through this book, so please post and comment.
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