I cannot tell you how many times I have complained to my husband about how people seem to live such busy lives and do not seem interested in building relationships. Things have changed a lot in 30 years since I was a little girl, some of the fondest memories I have are of being at Grandma's house and people from the community just dropping by to visit for hours.
I am guilty of having the Go-It -Alone mentality. I have had many friends over the years but of those there have been about 4 close friends. Three of those close friends because of distance(living in different states or cities) have basically faded. One of those four friends still keeps in touch on a regular basis. So after many times of reaching out and investing only to have the other person stop keeping in touch, the Go -It-Alone mentality seems like the best and most protective way to be.
I love The Lord, He has given me a wonderful husband of almost 17 years and 3 children I love dearly and this is where my love and devotion is to be first, second, and third so what more do I need right!? But after reading on page 34 the letter between Sally and Sarah where Sarah says, "Motherhood was meant to be experienced with other mothers, aunts, grandmothers, and a community of women sharing the load. Please do not attempt this alone!" I thought how wonderful it would be to have a community of Moms like that to experience Motherhood with.
So that is what has been on my heart- How do I find a group like that? Or How do I reach out to form a group like that? Surely I cannot be the only mom whose family lives out of town and who feels like she is part of the Go-It-Alone Culture, though not by choice.
I am so thankful for this book!
Let me know your thoughts and ideas.
Blessing to you,
Stephanie B
4 comments:
Stephanie...I think it is so difficult and sometimes painful to "force" friendships. In one season of our lives (we lived somewhere else then), my husband would hold me in the evenings as I cried because we just could NOT make friendships. I remember thinking maybe that was just what it meant to be a grown-up! In this season of our lives, we are blessed with several very close friendships. Those have come about through Bible studies, serving in ministry together and through things our kids have been involved in. In the early days of those friendships, I remember the pain of going out on a limb to invite and coordinate things, always wondering if these casual acquaintance mommy-friends really had any interest in being friends with me and scared to death that they were all somewhere talking about me, saying how annoying it was that I kept calling. Why oh why do we women (or at least I do!!) have these hang-ups? Some of those calls and coordinating of events led to friendships and some did not, but I can say on this side of things that the going out on a limb was worth it. I value time with these women for many reasons...not the least of which being just hearing someone say out loud that she struggles with the same stuff I do.
On the other hand, like I said in the beginning, I have lived through a season or two where, no matter what I did, it just didn't happen...so I wonder if maybe God has in mind for us to hunker down and draw closer to our husband and kids in those seasons??
Anyone else have any thoughts? These are mostly the random ramblings of my heart. :)
I understand all of the questions you find yourself asking. I have asked them myself. We too live far from family and yet have such wonderful childhood memories of family and friends together for dinners, lunch, games, etc.
God has used the different seasons and locations to teach me different things and always to draw me closer to Him.
Several years ago it was on my heart to reach out and connect with other moms, and through Sally's mentorship and new frienships made, our Mom Heart group began. We meet the first Tuesday evening of each month at my home. One of the moms reads aloud a chapter from one of Sally's books (that means no "homework" for busy moms), we discuss, pray, and encourage one another. We would love for you to join us if this is feasible for you. It is so refreshing to have a peaceful evening with other moms, enjoying some tea and treats and time together.
Jennifer and Gretchen,
Thank you so much for your encouraging words and sharing your experiences. Sometimes when you go through different things you feel like you are the only one experiencing that. It is good to know it is not abnormal to feel those feelings of loneliness and seeking to build relationships with other Moms.
Gretchen , thank you so much for the invite to your Mom group once a month. Sounds great! I would love to. Is there a particular book that I would need to buy? I will check with my husband to discuss if it will work for me to attend and get in touch with you by email.
Thank you,
Stephanie
I recently relocated to Wilmington, NC from Virginia Beach. In Va Beach I was surrounded by LOTS of Mommy friends and had my very own mother 10 minutes away and on call whenever I needed her. I love Wilmington, but I miss the friends! My four year old does as well. Often times she will say out of the clear blue, "mom remember when we use to go to "so and so's" house and play? uugghh! I feel your pain babe! You would think being in Fulltime ministry would keep my soul filled right? Nope! Having three kids four and under keeps people at a distance! I don't blame them! LOL But I do know too that I am so overwhelmed myself that it is SO easy to keep others at a distance! It is so essential that we surround ourselves with other Mommas who are in this same walk of life or have walked it and survived! The Momheart Conference was like water to my thirsty soul! It felt so good to be encouraged and to hear from tons of amazing ladies, "You can do this!" I've met a few ladies here, but I think they are use to "going it alone" and tend to stay there and ignore possible outreaches! I mean playdates are nice, but my soul needs more than a playdate with fellow Mommas! I need to love Jesus with these women and share in our joys and hardships! I've realized that not all have had the privileged to experience what I did in Va Beach, so they don't know what their missing, but I long to show them how fulfilling such companionship can be in this season of life!
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