(Don't forget to watch the video segments for each chapter from the book.)
It only took a minute of hearing Sally's words in the end of chapter video segments, and I had tears flowing. "I am exactly the mom my kids needed," is what she said. God planned for me to have these children with my personality, likes, gifts, etc. Do you sometimes feel like you are not the right mother for your children? Oh, how I have felt that. Not that I don't want to be their mother, but that they deserve more, better, someone more patient, more gentle, a better listener, a morning person, and the list goes on. What a great reminder and a weight lifted that I was not meant to shoulder. I must lay down the burden and pressure of the ideal I have envisioned, and rest in God's ideal for me to be the giver of grace, forgiveness, and love to my children and to myself. God gave these children to me and God gave me to these children. They are ultimately His children, and He chose me to be their mother. He planned for me to be refined and formed more into His image through motherhood.
What ideals do you need surrender that you are not meant to hold onto?
He also planned for us to be in community with other women and moms. I love in Chapter two how Sally describes that we have become such an isolationist culture, that we tend to think that we have to do this alone. I have fallen into that thinking over the years. During a women's night at my church a couple of years ago, God clearly spoke to my heart and told me that I need to "take time to receive." Not only take the time to receive from Him in quiet time and reading and prayer, but to take the time to receive from others and to be willing to receive. And for that, I needed to be able to let my friends know that I needed help.
Do you take time to receive? To receive from God with open hands?
For generations women have had mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and sisters to help and encourage. To have this extended family in close proximity to just provide some physical help, would be wonderful. But our culture is not like that in general. Most of us live without family nearby. But God is bigger than cultural change, and He so graciously provides. I have found that sometimes His provision is for me to be the one serving other moms, reaching out and providing physical help. And other times I am the one to receive.
God provided a great friend and encourager for me when I was around two years old. We have been friends ever since. Even though we have lived in different states for more years than we lived in that same small town together, we have continued to be friends and encourage one another. When we were in fourth grade I believe, she cross-stitched a bookmark for me. I was decluttering my nightstand this weekend, and going through the books on it and found the precious bookmark she made for me tucked in a book. She is also the wonderful mom who posted about Chapter 1 last week!
I pray that if you do not have some moms around you to encourage you, help you, and walk this journey with you that you pray and keep looking for who He has for you. And He may be wanting you to take similar steps as Sally did and be the one to create the group, to reach out to others and start getting together to share and encourage.
Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments and join the discussion!
4 comments:
I LOVE that you still have this. Little did we know then that we would one day be encouraging each other through desperate days of being mamas. Love you! :)
...and on the subject of Chapter 2, recently I have realized that I am approaching the "find a younger mommy to mentor stage". On the one hand, this blows my mind...after all, I still feel like I'm about 25. On the other hand, this is so exciting to me. I remember feeling so comforted and encouraged when older moms would tell me I was doing a good job or that this stage (whatever "this stage" happened to be) wouldn't last forever, or that being a mom just gets more and more fun. I can't believe that I'm at the stage of doing some of the encouraging. I'm a 2nd grade teacher and the teacher across the hall from me has two littles. She's still up in the night, exhausted, but adores her sweet girls. I find myself telling her the things older moms once told me. We pass on the wisdom and encouragement because some days its the only thing getting us through.
I'm still looking at and watching moms older than me, though. My sweet friend, Brenda, is about to graduate her youngest daughter and then the nest will be empty. I'm watching her ever so closely to see how this empty nest/mama of adults thing works. She does it well and I kind of want to take notes. :)
My situation is a little different. After trying and praying for 20 years for a child God placed on mine and my husband's heart to adopt. We brought our daughter home from China in March 2008 at the age of 14 months old. So at the age of 48 I am the mom to a 6 year old and I wouldn't have it any other way. She makes me feel younger. Becoming a parent when I did was all in God's time. But being older no one really mentored to me, I guess they thought at my age I already knew it all even though she was my first and only. I asked questions and asked for advice but I think in a lot of ways I winged it. As for mentoring a younger mom, my child is younger than most of my friends and my younger siblings so I didn't feel it was needed. If our situation had been different and we had children when we first began trying I can definitely see where having someone experienced giving me encouragement would have been great. Love this book.
Pat, I have been thinking about you and praying for you and your precious daughter. I find that I am in the mentor/being mentored role at the same. I am sure that many moms would benefit greatly from your wisdom...we would love to have you join us at our Mom Heart gatherings every month.
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