"But we've got to know that, ultimately, the most important thing is laying our children at the foot of the cross and praying that Jesus will call them to Him. He is the author of their souls, and He is the only one who can reign in a broken soul. So pray for your children and show them Jesus."
Sarah Mae, Desperate page 31
Chapter three echoed the cry of my heart. As a pediatrician and mother of four young children, I have read many parenting books. I have read theories, philosophies, and so many formulas. My heart has been broken, and I have shed many tears reading several of these books. The ones that have concerned me the most are the ones that claim that their formula is God's formula and shame and condemn parents who do not subscribe to their formula. But our God is so creative, do we really think that he created us all to fit in a box and live by a formula? He created each child with his own personality, likes and dislikes, and gave them as a gift to parents who are unique, with their own personalities. Our God is bigger than formulas. On page 32, Sally reminds us of Galatians 5:1
"It was for freedom that Christ set us free;
therefore keep standing firm and
do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."
Why are we so prone to pick up and put on the yoke over and over again? We are free, redeemed, given the power of the Holy Spirit to live this life. We can take all of our decisions, frustrations, and fears to God who created us for relationship with Him.
Before reading Desperate, I had spent time praying Hebrews 11:6..."without faith it is impossible to please God." The question kept coming to my mind....am I living a life that requires faith? Or am I spending my energy and focus on living a life that is safe and controlled? Am I living as a mom who requires faith, or am I trusting in my organized plan and for my children to follow it? And then I come to page 33 and Sally discusses this very verse. And she follows it up in the "your turn" section at the end of the chapter with reading through Hebrews 11 and thinking about the people of faith mentioned. After considering the verses, I wrote in my journal...."By faith, Gretchen, when she was...., did....." Not that I by any means would put myself in the "hall of faith," but God was showing me to remember and recount the times I lived and walked and took the next step and sometimes the next breath in faith. And then to remember what He did through those times of faith.
We are prone to see what maturity, obedience, and "goodness" are and want it now. We want to see the results from all of our "labors." I have seen this with my children and discipline and wanting to see repentance and wanting it now. Recently, when disciplining my son, I prayed as I walked away from his room, "God, I just want him to be repentant now. I want him to see what he has done and have a repentant heart now." And God quickly brought to my mind, it is His kindness that leads us to repentance. God and his loving kindness bring repentance from the heart...not my demanding, frustration, and authoritativeness. I may be able to achieve a change in behavior, but God is the one who brings the change in our hearts. And ultimately, I want a change in heart for myself and my children. Once that happens, the repentance and behavior changes flow.
God's promises are inherited through faith. We obtain and inherit His promises when we have patiently waited through faith. Maturity is a process that God brings, and by faith, we must trust and believe God will work in our children and ourselves.
So as Sarah Mae encouraged us..."Love them. Hug them, kiss them, cuddle with them, spend time rubbing their heads and holding their hands. Give yourself to them without rush. Pray with them, and let them twirl your hair in their little fingers. Look them in the eye when you talk to them. Give words of affirmation. Tell them, whether you feel it or not, that you delight in them, that they are a delight (if they don't feel like a delight, ask God to give you those feelings). Tell them, 'You are beautiful and smart and God loves you. I'm so glad you're my child.' Tell them that they can never lose your love, no matter what. And mean it."
I would love to hear your thoughts and comments...
For more discussion on parenting by faith through the power of the Holy Spirit, I highly recommend reading Heartfelt Discipline.
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