Chapter Two Thoughts

As I read through this book, with each chapter I feel that so many layers are being removed and exposed in my heart and mind.  I almost don't want to go to the next chapter, because I think that the next chapter cannot speak as powerfully as the one I just finished.  But I move forward, and yet even more layers are removed and truth revealed.  Chapter two was very powerful for me.  Many times in the chapter I thought how could Ann have exactly the same thoughts that I have experienced?....on page 27, "Always, the failing.  I yell at children, fester with bitterenss, forget doctor appointments, lose library books, live selfishly, skip prayer, complain, go to bed too late, neglect cleaning the toilets."  That is how too many of my days seem to be....and that leaves me with frustration.  And this frustration leads to guilt and the cycle continues.  My one word for 2009 was laughter.  My desire was to laugh more throughout my days in spite of any circumstance that I face.  Well, I learned that year that my word required will power from me, and not reliance on God, His presence, or His grace.  My one word for 2010 was joy.  I deeply desired to be so full of His joy, that my response to what life brought on a daily basis would be joy.  I learned so much last year about joy and that it is found in His presence.  "In your presence, there is fullness of Joy."  Psalm 16:11  I did experience growth last year in my understanding and a sweet deepening of my relationship with Jesus.  My days were full of prayer and pouring my heart out to Him.  He continued to change my heart.  For this year, my one word is focus.  I felt God asking me in the moments of my day that might lead to frustration, feeling overwhelmed, feeling rushed in the busyness,  "Where is your focus?  Who is your focus?"  This chapter spoke volumes to me about my focus.  Eucharisteo is exactly what has been missing from my every moment.  The way Ann explains eucharisteo, the meaning, the expression of it, and that it precedes the miracle....nothing short of a gift from God.  When I thought about writing down things I am thankful for (when my book was on pre-order, and I had just read snippets about what the book entails), I envisioned sitting on my comfy couch with my journal after my children were all tucked in bed sleeping, writing down list after list of things.  I could come up with thousands I am sure.  But this is not it.  This is reflective, living more in the past.  My desire is to live fully right where I am, to experience the moment, whatever it is, and be joyful!  And that is what eucharisteo is teaching me.  Take my eyes off of myself, off of my circumstances, off of my lists of things to do....and in that moment....soak up the gifts that are right there and praise God for them!  My heart is changing, my countenance is changing......eucharisteo is preceding the miracle!