In a world addicted to speed, I blur the moments into one unholy smear. I have done it. I do it still....I push hard and I bark hard and I fall hard and when their wide eyes brim sadness and their chins tremble weak, I am weary and I am the thin clear skin, reflecting their fatigue, about to burst, my eyes glistening their same sheer pain. The hurry makes us hurt. (from Ann in chapter 4)
In the tussle out of a stubborn sleeve, a big brother swipes hard the head of a little brother and Small-Son wails the mad fists and there are coats and boots and still all the dominoes and dishes and books and who has time for all this more? More work? More stuff? More stress? I can feel my pulse quicken fierce. (again from Ann in chapter 4)
Oh, how this chapter brought me to a stand still. This is me. All of it...the pushing hard, the barking hard, the eyes brimming with sadness (theirs and mine), the pulse quickening. I am in despair as I think of the times I have hurt little hearts with my hurrying. I am full of hope as I think that I am slowly and painstakingly learning to weigh down the moments, to give thanks in the moments, to slow down, to stop pushing, to stop barking.
I sat in silence and pondered what exactly to do with this. Do we quit everything we are in? Do we resign ourselves to be late to everything? How do we live in the world but not of it when it comes to hurrying. The answers didn't come right away, but I've sensed God speak them to my heart as I've purposely listened. The thing I am most struck with is the fact that most of the time the reason we are hurrying is not their fault but mine. Oh, sure, sometimes they "dally" (my mom's made-up word for messing around). However, most of the time the reason we are hurrying is because I've tried to squeeze in one more blog post or one more project before we need to leave. On school mornings, I choose to hit the snooze button and that is MY fault NOT theirs. As I've taken ownership over the causes of the hurry, I've seen my patience level go up and their sadness and irritation levels go down. As I've taken steps to give us plenty of space in the "margins" of our day, the need for hurrying has amazingly diminished. As I have allowed God to weigh down the moments through my thankfulness, I have watched my boys' attitudes change...not in a magical "happens every time" way, but in a slow and graceful way. I know the spirit is at work in our family, and I am thankful.
What do you do to live in the world but not of it when it comes to hurrying?
1 comment:
hurry....yes, I have been convicted here too. It started years ago (before I even had children and all of the activites and such). I would always sleep to the last minute, hit snooze way too many times, rush through traffic to get to the hospital and then hurry, hurry, hurry to get all of my work done. I always seemed to be late to everything. Well, then I married my precious husband who is not one to hurry, but is also rarely late. He would say to me as we were late to church, class, etc. (because of me:) that it is really inconsiderate to be late. I had never thought of it like that...that hurrying and being late was not being considerate of others. I always thought that it just effected me and it was my issue. So slowly, God began to change my vision. After having children and trying to get four of them loaded in the van and to wherever it is we are going, I found myself hurrying, barking, getting frustrated etc. God is still working on me, and Ann's thoughts and writings are a huge blessing.
A couple of things that have helped us in this area....homeschooling for one(our pace is much slower and more intentional than it used to be, also making sure I am organized and teach those skills to my children (we focus a lot on being good stewards, making sure everything has a place, putting things back where they go and getting rid of the clutter helps keep everyone focused in those loading up times), and understanding my children and their needs (not scheduling too many activities, field trips, etc. and making sure that everyone has a rest/quiet reading time in the afternoon).
Thank you for all of your posts. I love sharing this book with all of my precious friends!
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